A hard decision
by Eraman
Summary: Jeff and the family has a hard decision to make when one of his sons is caught in an explosion. TVverse during the Tracy boys' childhood
1. Chapter 1

_Okay this is how my stories work. I have to different realities. The first one is like in the TV-show, Jeff's father and wife died. But my second is a little wierd, result of a dream actually. Jeff's father and younger brother died instead of his wife. So they started IR as a memory to them._

_This story is result of a dream and the result from a discussion in m philosophy class at school_

"Bye squirt I see you home okay", John told Gordon when they would split up in the hallway.

"Why do you have to go on that genius-math class Johnny? You can skip school and come with me!"

"I choose it and math is fun Gordon."

"Eh, no its not and the others are with me on it."

John smiled.

"Did Virgil and Scott say when they would come home?" he asked.

"Yes they are home right now so hurry up with that math!"

"Yeah, yeah."

"John", they heard someone call. "Come on!"

"I'm coming Taylor! See you at home Gordon."

"Goodbye Johnny you now you can still skip it! Come on it will be fun! You'll not get caught!"

John just waved.

* * *

A short while after that, Gordon opened the door to their house.

"I'm home", he called and waited for an answer.

"Hey honey", Lucille Tracy called. "How was it at school?"

"Fine mom, well I past the math-test with two points…You think it is okay if my big brothers try to explain for me?"

"No way, I hate math", Scott called and that was just what Gordon had wanted. "Oh damn it!"

Now Gordon knew where Scott was hiding to jump at him so Gordon easily avoided him. But still Virgil hadn't made a sound.

"Well hi Scott", Gordon said and smiled brightly. "You know I was actually going to ask Virgil because he is so good in explaining. You know like when he tried to explain to me how to play the piano?"

"Hey I explained well", Virgil called. "Ah, damn it!"

"Hi Virgil and don't worry maybe John can help me. Right mom?"

"Yes", Lucy said and gave her son a hug. "Is he still at school?"

"Yes he is taking those advanced math-classes."

Lucy smiled.

"Well it's good someone in this family use his head", Jen Tracy said when she gave her grandson a hug. "Hi honey."

"Hi Gordon", Alan said from beside his mother, he helped her peel potatoes.

"Hi Alan, how did the test go?"

"I hope I will pass…"

"Have you heard anything about those stolen explosives in school honey", Lucy asked and smiled at Gordon's puzzled look. "I take that as a no and that make me feel so much better. Don't worry honey, John can help you with the math and if your father complains send him to me."

* * *

John and his four friends Taylor, Andy, Mark and Brian walked through the woods to get to their class-room. It was actually an old house that lied in the woods behind the High school.

"You can't see that you and Gordon are related John", Taylor said and smiled. "His hair is red and you are blonde!"

"And Scott and Virgil are both dark", Brian added with a smile.

"Yes but my youngest brother Alan is also blonde", John said with a smirk. "And you know what they say, blondes has more fun."

His friends shoved him around playfully.

"I thought it was blondes are stupid", Andy said and the others laughed and looked challenging at John. This just laughed and picked up some acorns.

"Have anyone of you heard about those stolen explosives", Mark asked and ducked away from the acorn John threw at him. "They said it was military stuff."

"I've heard about it", Brian answered and rubbed his arm were John's acorn had hit him. "They suspect those explosives would be around here somewhere."

"That's just ridiculous", Taylor said. "Who would be stupid enough to hide them at a high school?"

"You", his friends said.

"I'll show you who are stupid", Taylor said and picked up acorns of his own and his friend started to run. "Come back here!"

They all ran as fast as they could.

* * *

In the meantime, a young man called William slowly walked up to a man in a military uniform.

"Ah Mr. Smith", the man said to William. "So you came?"

"Yes sir", William said slowly. "What was it you wanted to show me?"

"When we blow up the explosives of course, that's what we promised you if you didn't call the police."

"You are going to blow it up here", William's face went pale. "You can't do that!"

"And why not?"

"I told you that this is the road some guys walk to get to their class!"

"So the teacher is sick, I heard his colleagues talk about him. So they will not come this way. On my mark!"

William heard laughter coming from the road and turned to see five boys come running.

"Wait don't", he called when the military raised his arm. "Stop!"

"Fire in the hole", the military yelled.

* * *

John and his friends laughed as they run but suddenly the whole surrounding shook and they was blinded by light and there was a huge explosion. The last thing John remembered was that he flew through the air, a huge pain in his waist and back and a guy standing above him with a mobile telephone.

* * *

Jeff Tracy sat at his office and read through some papers when his secretary called him.

"Mr. Tracy", she said. "There is a phone call for you."

"Thank you Mrs. Andrews I'll take it."

"Is this Jeff Tracy I'm talking to", a voice asked.

"Yes sir and who is this?"

"My name is Inspector Lewis."

"I see and what can I do for the police?"

"It's about your son Mr. Tracy, John…"

Jeff raised an eyebrow.

"I must tell you Inspector that I can't believe my son has done anything…"

"No Mr. Tracy he hasn't done anything something has been done to him… he is at hospital."

Jeff's blood ran cold.

"What", he said it only as a whisper.

"I think you'll better go down to the hospital and"

"What happened", Jeff said angrily.

"Mr. Tracy please I think you better"

"WHAT happened to my son?!"

"He was caught in an explosion…"

Jeff almost fell to the ground, his entire body started to shook.

"Mr. Tracy, are you still there?"

"Yes I'm here and I'm going to the hospital now."

* * *

AUTHOR'S NOTE: To clear things up a bit... Scott: 20, Virgil 19, John 17, Gordon 15 and Alan 14. Just so you all know I've decided to tidy this story up a bit.


	2. Chapter 2

Part 2

Jeff ran through the corridors in the hospital and didn't stop until he was outside surgery, where he was stopped by a doctor.

"What happened to my son", Jeff asked.

"Your son is in surgery now Mr.?"

"Tracy, Jeff Tracy."

"Mr. Tracy", the doctor said. "We are doing what we can, I suggest you sit down and call your family."

'_My family'_, Jeff thought. '_Hell I haven't called them_!'

* * *

Jeff's family sat at the dinner table and had a pleasant discussion, but Lucy stared at the two empty plates on the table.

"Where are dad and John", Gordon asked after a little while. "At least John should be home by now."

"I don't know honey", Lucy answered softly. "They maybe are on their way home now."

"Mom is it okay if we watch the news", Virgil asked softly. "I want to hear if they have heard anything about the explosives."

"Of course honey", Lucy said when the phone started to ring. "I'll answer that."

She left the room.

"Hello this is Lucille Tracy, who am I talking to?"

"Lucy it's me", she heard her husband's voice.

"Jeff where are you? We have already eaten and your mother is here for a visit?"

"Lucy I'm at the hospital", Jeff said softly.

"The hospital", Lucy's face went pale. "What happened are you hurt?"

"No my love I'm fine… it's John…"

Lucy's heart sank.

"He is at surgery now Lucy, the doctors said they are doing the best they can."

"Jeff what has happened?"

"John and his friends were caught in some kind of explosion, they told me John hit his back in a tree and that a wooden stick pierced his waist."

Lucy sat down on a chair with her hands trembling.

"My love", Jeff said calmly. "I think you and the boys should come here."

"Yes Jeff, we'll be right there."

* * *

Lucy entered the kitchen and found her sons and her mother-in-law watching the TV.

"Boys", she started but was interrupted when the News-cast began.

"Today the stolen explosives has been found, but not in the way everyone wanted", the reporter said. "Today the explosives detonated in Crimson woods at 15:42."

"Crimson woods", Scott said and rose. "That's the woods behind the high school!"

"First there was no reporting if someone was injured but now our sources tells us five boys was caught in the explosion", the reporter continued and the kitchen was silent. "They are now treated at Kansas' hospital. We have gotten their name, Brian Holmes", there was a picture on a black-haired young man "Mark Malcolm", a boy with brown hair "Taylor Stewart, Andy Jones" two more boys with dark hair "and John Tracy." The kitchen erupted in horrified gasps and Scott turned around and saw the devastated face of his mother.

"Mom who was it that called?" He asked.

"Your father dear, he called from the hospital and told me John was there."

"Is he okay", Gordon asked, he was very pale.

"Your father told me he is in surgery; we are going down there now."

"I'll drive mom", Scott offered.

* * *

An hour later Jeff Tracy looked up when his family came against him in the hallway.

"Jeff how is he?" Lucy asked and hugged her husband.

"I don't know honey the doctors haven't said anything."

"Do we know what happened dad", Scott asked. He stood holding an arm around Alan's shoulders while Virgil mirroring his pose, but he held his arm around Gordon.

"No I wish I did but…"

"Excuse me", a young man said and they all turned around. "I… I just wonder if you are related to anyone of the boys…"

"Yes, John", Virgil said and looked suspiciously at the young man. He looked like he was in Gordon's age. "Why do you ask?"

"I… I was… I was there when it happened. I saw everything… I am so sorry!"

The young man started to cry and Lucille walked over to him.

"Here honey", she said calmly. "Sit down."

"Why are you so nice to me", William asked and sobbed. "All this is my fault!"

"What do you mean?"

"I saw those military-guys who had stolen the explosives… I tried to get away but they caught me and told me that if I told the police they would do something to the high school… so I didn't tell anyone… and they told me I would be allowed to see them detonate the explosives."

Lucille looked at her husband whose angry look had become more carrying when the boy told his story.

"They called me on my break and I get to the woods. There they said they were going to detonate the explosives. I told them not to because I know the boys of wonder walks that way to their class of wonders." Lucy raised and eyebrow at 'the boys of wonder'. "That is what everybody calls them." William explained. "The military-guy said they heard their teacher was sick and I guess that the wonder-boys must know that. The militaries was making themselves ready and when they was about to blew up the bombs I heard laughter and saw them coming running. I tried to stop the militaries but they didn't listen and when they saw the boys flying through the air they told me to run and leave them. But I couldn't… I just couldn't leave them there. I called an ambulance and stayed until they came then I lost my guts and ran. I don't know what to do now!"

"I think you should go to the police honey", Jen Tracy said calmly. "We are very thankful you told us this."

"I'm a coward…"

"No you are not", Scott said. "You are very brave that walked up to us and told the truth. There is a police down there go and talk to him."

"Yes sir that's it's the least thing I could do."

* * *

A while after that the boy had left a doctor came out from John's room.

"Are you the Tracys" he asked calmly.

"Yes we are", Jeff said, he held an arm around his wife and one around his mother. "How is he?"

"He is in a respirator, his heart stopped during the surgery… we almost lost him."

Jeff felt his wife sob by his side.

"Can we see him?" Scott asked.

The doctor nodded and left.

John was very pale, too pale for Jeff's liking. John had always been pale but now he was almost white. Lucy sat down beside his head and caressed John blonde hair.

"Hi baby", she said through the tears. "You are going to be okay, you are tough and you are going to be okay."

Jeff looked at his son and bent down and kissed his head.

"You are brave son", he whispered. "You are going to get through this."

Jeff turned the attention to his other sons. None of them had entered the room yet.

"Boys come", he said and reached out a hand to them. "I know it is hard but your brother needs you."

Alan took a deep breath and walked in when he saw his brother he started to sob and walked over to him.

"Hi Johnny", he whispered and Lucy put an arm on his shoulder. "I just want you to know that I'm here and… I love you and… I don't want you to die!"

Lucy hugged her son and walked over to the couch that was in the room. There they sat down and she rocked back and forth. The others entered next and all said things like I love you and come back to us. Scott took John's hand and whispered:

"Hi buddy, you know you promised to help me get back on track, well I guess I have to help you now. Well that's what big brothers are for aren't they? Man Johnny I wish I could do more than just stand around here and whisper things to you. Promise me to get back to us okay?"

Jeff was about to walk over to his oldest son when a doctor entered and waved at Jeff. Jeff walked over to him and the doctor closed the door.

* * *

"Mr. Tracy I'm going to be honest with you", he said calmly. "Your son is in a very bad shape."

"I know doctor so I've seen."

"Well it worse than you thought."

"What do you mean?"

"It seems like the only thing keeping your son alive is the respirator. He is dead, but the respirator keeps his heart beating."

Jeff's face went dark.

"What do you want to say with that?"

"I know it is forbidden Mr. Tracy but I know I way that make it look like an accident."

"What are you talking about?"

"I'm talking about to turn off the respirator."

Jeff's jaw tightened and he made a fist.

"Are you suggesting me to kill my own son?" he growled lowly.

"Yes sir, I know it is a hard decision, but your son is suffering and he have no hope off coming back to you."

"You don't know my boy doctor, he never gives up. He has never given up in his entire life."

"Well as it is now he has done just that."

"How dare you?!"

"Mr. Tracy I'm not enjoying this, it is what I do. Talk it over with your family and I'll come back to you about midnight."

"Yes you do that", Jeff couldn't believe this was happening. Could he even think of killing his own son? Was it cruel of him letting John suffer? Is it okay with euthanasia?


	3. Chapter 3

Part 3

When Jeff entered the room his family was waiting for him and their hopeful faces made it even harder for him to tell the truth.

"What did the doctor want dad", Alan asked.

"Did he say if John was going to be alright", Virgil asked hopefully.

Jeff just shook his head.

"Honey", Lucy said and pulled her youngest sons against her. "What's wrong?"

"The doctor told me the only thing that keeps John's body to work is the respirator… but he also said John is already dead. We are only keeping his body alive but John is long gone."

"What", Scott said angrily and rose. "He can't say that he don't know Johnny!"

"Scott calm down", Jeff said soothingly. "I know you are upset, but think of it this way…"

"Dad you can't say you actually is considering turning off the respirator?!"

"Scott I don't want to do this but think of John, he is suffering."

"You don't know that!" Scott looked around and left the room.

"Dad", Virgil said and rose. "We can't do this; we can't just give up hope."

"That's not what you have thought us", Gordon added and he and Virgil followed Scott.

"Am I the evil guy now;" Jeff asked the others.

"No honey", Lucy said. "You are just a worried parent. I'll go talk with the boys; you stay here with Alan and grandma."

Jeff looked at his youngest son who sat by himself in the corner and seemed to write something. Jeff looked at his mother who sat at John's side. She nodded in direction to Allan.

Jeff walked over and sat down next to him.

"Hi son what are you writing?"

"Nothing", Alan mumbled and hide the piece of paper. "Dad I don't want John to die… he will be okay he must be… he hasn't…"

Alan stopped and looked at his feet.

"He hasn't what Alan?"

"He hasn't told me who he is…"

Jeff raised an eyebrow and Alan smiled.

"You remember when I was a little kid? I always wanted John to tell me bedtime stories."

"Yes you didn't want anyone else to do it." Jeff smiled at the memory, Alan always ran up to John saying things like, "_please Johnny tell me_", "_Johnny come_" or "_Johnny can you tell me a story_". "I guess John had the best stories hadn't he?"

"Yes, he told me stories about a masked racecar driver, it was always so exciting races and the cars and everything. But John told me no one knows who the driver is, except from him and he was going to tell me when the time was right and if I promised to not tell anyone. He hasn't told me yet…"

Jeff put an arm around his youngest son.

"Can I see what you wrote?"

Alan handed him the piece of paper and Jeff read.

"_**Lonely high above us all**_

_**Holding out a hand to catch a shooting star**_

_**Keep us all from the high fall**_

_**You are there I know you are**_

_**Different than ours is your call**_

_**Even when we are close you are far**_

_**Your mind secured by a great wall**_

_**Problems solved with the speed of a car**_

_**You are close but still far away**_

_**Among us all you understand what we can't see**_

_**Carrying our dark thoughts you always finds the way**_

_**When darkness is covering me**_

_**Far away I know you may**_

_**Find a way to make it never be**_

_**Loneliness**_

_**Sadness**_

_**Happiness**_

_**Promises**_

_**You are not like us**_

_**You are someone we all trust**_

_**Now you are**_

_**At a place where you can catch a star**_

_**Even do you are long gone**_

_**I know I'm not alone**_

_**You are there**_

_**Protecting caring singing smiling**_

_**You are my brother with who I have fun**_

_**Always shining bright as the sun**_

_**You are John and I love you/Alan**_"

Jeff felt tears in his eyes.

"Son that was beautiful, why don't you read it for him?"

"But you said he was gone already."

"No the doctor said so but I think he still is here with us. He'll hear you Alan, just believe it and I think John will come back to us."

Alan smiled and went over to John and sat down. He read the poem and Jeff sat down beside his mother.

* * *

"Boys", Lucy said to the three young men in the hallway. "That was very rude of you."

"Why", Scott said, his eyes wet with tears. "Dad is actually considering turning off the respirator! How can he do that?"

"He thinks of his child Scott", Lucy continued. "The doctor told him there is no hope and that John is suffering being held here."

"But mom they don't know that", Virgil said, his eyes were wet with tears. "They don't know that John is suffering!"

"Honey", Lucy said and grabbed him and Scott. "Listen to me; this is hard for us all."

"I could have stopped it", Gordon said and all stared at him.

"What was that Gordy", Scott asked and saw that his brother's face was filled with great grief. "What do you mean you could have stopped it?"

"I tried", Gordon began but his voice broke. "I tried to make him skip that class and come home with me… if I'd just…"

"No honey", Lucy said and hugged her son tight. "It is not your fault; you couldn't know this would happen."

"But mom if I just been more…" Gordon struggled to find a word.

"Johnish", Virgil said and smiled. Johnish was a word Virgil used when he described great stubbornness, patience and persuading. It described exactly how John was.

"Yeah", Gordon said and smiled. "More Johnish."

Lucy reached out to her two oldest sons so she could hug all three of her boys.

"We have to decide what we must do", she said soothingly.

"We know mom", Scott said.

"Excuse me", a man with headphones around his neck walked up to them. "Sorry I don't want to disturb you but I wonder… Are you related to any of the boys?"

"Yes", Lucy said and looked suspiciously at the man. "Why do you ask?"

"Oh forgive me my impoliteness. I'm Mr. Matt Sauren; I'm the teacher the boys were going to meet."

"The advanced math-teacher", Scott asked and raised an eyebrow.

"Advanced math? Ah why am I not surprised? Of course you must be John's family, like the others he didn't tell. Well it wasn't so hard to understand I mean…"

"Wait, wait", Lucy said and in the corner of her eye she saw her husband, mother-in-law, youngest son and the families of the other boys coming closer. "What are you talking about?"

"Their class Ma'am", the teacher said. "Advanced math" he chuckled. "I suck in math!"

"Math", one man said. "Mark said he had Spanish-class!"

"That's not what Brian said", a woman said confused. "He told me he was practicing for next football-outtakes."

"Andy to", a man said.

"Taylor said that class was in biology", another woman said.

"So they lied", Gordon asked the teacher. "Why?"

"Huh…" the teacher looked at him. "Oh sorry, I didn't listen to you…"

"What kind of teacher are you then", Jeff asked calmly but just a little annoyed.

"I think it's better if I just show you…" Mr. Sauren walked over to the TV and put in a movie. "You have a bunch of talented young men. They have been in my class doing this for their mothers…"

The TV screen went on and they saw five boys laughing about something.

"_No take away the camera_", Brian laughed and tried to push the teacher away. "_We aren't ready yet!_"

Then there were a clip and now the boys were in some kind of city walking around the allies. First there were nothing and then Taylor started to sing, it was a sweet sound. All boys had wonderful voices and according to Scott, John's was the most beutiful.

* * *

Some hours later the movie was over and the teacher excused himself and left.

"That's it", Jeff said to his family when they were in John's room. "I'm not gonna let that doctor scare us and I'm not going to let him turn off the respirator."

"But dad you told us John might suffer", Gordon said and looked at his brothers. "That he might is gone already."

"That doesn't matter. All I know is that John right now is fighting to get back to us."

"What made you change your mind dad", Scott asked and sat down.

"The determination in the eyes of the young man I saw on that video. He and his friends was determent to do this for their mothers. I want to learn to know my son; I didn't know that expression in his eyes or his face, I didn't know that side exists."

"I could have told you that", Lucy said soothingly. "It exists in all our boys."

Their sons looked at each other and smiled.

"It runs in the family", Scott said brightly.

"Yeah everything is dads fault", Gordon declared.

"My fault", Jeff said and stared at the four smiling faces. "How can this be my fault?"

"They have inherited it from you love", Lucy said and smiled.


	4. Chapter 4

Part 4

Alan sat at his older brother's bedside. It was his turn to watch over him.

"Come on Johnny", he whispered. "You've been lying here for two weeks now. It's enough sleeping don't you think?"

John was not connected to the respirator any more. After a week connected to it he had "come back" and now he didn't need it. But John was still in some kind of coma. Virgil and Scott had both taken time off from collage.

Alan didn't know what to do so he read the poem again and then sighed.

"Come on Johnny you must wake up so you can tell me who he is", he said and whipped away the tears. "You know… I've forgotten that poem you use to read. You know that from the Fellowship of the Ring. Can you please tell me when you wake up?"

John didn't move.

Alan thought about one of John's stories and smiled.

"I think I can tell you one of them."

He told John of his favorite story and when he stopped he looked at his brother's face.

"_Ah come on Johnny I want to know who he is!"_ he heard himself say as a little kid. _"They almost saw his face! What did it look like, was he dark-haired?" _

"_I'm not going to tell you kiddo, it's a secret. But when you are old enough and promise to keep it secret I will tell you."_

"_You promise?"_

"_Yes I promise okay go to sleep now."_

Alln smiled at the memory and looked at John.

"You promised to tell me John! And as grandma says a promise is a promise and you must keep it."

"You", he heard a soft voice said and Alan's head snapped up at the sound. His eyes locked with the open ones of his brother. "That driver is you Alan."

"John…"

"What, I know how much you love racing and I guess… that you will be a great driver soon."

"John…"

"What?"

"JOHN", Alan was so happy that he didn't know what to do. John tried to sit up and Alan helped him and at the same time took the chance of giving him a hug.

"Am I still at the hospital", John asked calmly.

"Yes, your wounds were very serious."

"I see. Do you know who it was that caused the explosion?"

Alan told him everything that had happened the last two weeks and John sighed.

"It was supposed to be a mother's day gift to mom", he mumbled.

"Well mom and the others are sleeping, shall I wake them?"

"No I guess they are as tired as you. Get some sleep kiddo I'll watch over you."

Alan leaned down on the bed.

"Wait did you say I am that driver?"

John smiled. "Sleep kiddo."

"I can't! Please Johnny tell me one last racing-story!"

"Are you serious?"

"Yes!"

"Okay then."

* * *

Jeff woke up and looked at his watch. It was half past seven.

"That boy", he murmured and woke the rest of the family. "Come on I think Alan has fallen asleep at John's side again."

The family slowly rose and was outside just in time to see a doctor leaving John's room and walk down the hallway.

"What do you think he wanted", Scott asked his mother.

"Alan knows honey."

Jeff reached out for the doorknob but his hand stopped.

"You mean it", he heard Alan say and than there were two laughs from the room.

Jeff opened the door and felt tears streaming down his cheeks when he saw the scene in front of him. Two blondes laughed at something that Jeff guessed he would never know about. Both blonde heads snapped at the door and the older one smiled while the younger one felt a little bad. Alan had forgotten to tell his family that John was awake.

"John…" Jeff said and walked slowly forward. He was followed by the rest of his family.

"Hi Johnny;" Scott said and sat down at the edge of the bed. "When did you wake up?"

"About two minutes ago", John answered and no one notice the thankfully smile Alan gave him. "The doctor was in here and I just opened my eyes when he checked if I had a fever."

The next minute went on with hugs and John asked some questions, the ones he asked Alan, to keep his act up.

"It was supposed to be a gift for mother's day", he mumbled when they told him about the movie. "Splendid now I have no idea of what to give you."

"You can give me the movie honey", Lucy said and kissed his head. "I guess it isn't finished?"

"No."

* * *

Some days later John sat his window when Alan entered.

"Hi Johnny what do you want?" he asked with a smile.

"_**All that is gold does not glitter**_

_**Not all those who wander are lost**_

_**The old that is strong does not wither**_

_**Deep roots are not reached by frost**_

_**From the ashes a fire shall be woken**_

_**A light from the shadows shall spring**_

_**Renewed shall the blade that was broken**_

_**The crownless again shall be king.**_"

Alan stared at his brothers back.

"You wanted to hear it right Allan?"

"You heard me?"

"No, my sources told me that you tried to remember it all the time I was unconscious."

"Thanks Johnny", Alan said and hugged him. "Thanks for staying."

"I wish Brian could." John sighed. Brian had died, his wounds were to grieve and his body gave up after three weeks in respirator. "He was closest to the explosion and hit his head in a giant rock."

"Well he will stay in your heart John."

"Yes and the movie will be done for him. We will do it for Brian."

Alan smiled.

"Thanks again John."

"You are welcome Ace."

Alan smiled; Ace was what the driver called himself.


End file.
